One of the autocomplete options for my Google search was “How many calories are in half a Tic Tac?” Somebody out there needs a hug.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2013
Apparently a three-hole punch is an office supply, not a sex move. I foresee another meeting with HR in my future.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2013
I drink because vodka tastes better than a conscience.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2013
It doesn’t matter what the topic is. The underlying message of 90% of tweets is “I need help.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2013
The best sex tape is duct tape as long as you both remember the safe word.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2013