I don’t get why people are mad about horse meat in fast food. If you cared what you put in your body, you wouldn’t eat at Burger King anyway
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2013
My wife isn’t into any weird stuff, like having sex with me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2013
I hate when people ask me if I have plans. I never know if they mean “for the evening” or “to build the greatest hamster maze ever.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2013
The surest way to get hours of uninterrupted sleep is to have tons of stuff left to do when you lie down for a quick five-minute nap.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2013
“You’re a terrible human being and wrong for me in every way. Let’s make babies together.”—women
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2013