Yesterday a Royal Caribbean cruise ship caught on fire. If only there were a wet substance nearby that could have prevented this tragedy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2013
I tried to teach my 3-year-old to fist bump and now I have an icepack on my eye. She gets her hand-eye coordination from me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2013
I told the exterminator our house has pests who get into our food and make messes everywhere, but he said he can’t do anything about kids.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2013
Walmart has 50 checkout lanes but only opens 3 at once. Apparently the best way to run a store is to show customers how much you hate them.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2013
Yes, Destiny’s Child, I am ready for this jelly. I already put the peanut butter on the bread and everything.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2013