My 3-year-old’s toys get mixed together. Her doctor kit now has a stethoscope, a screwdriver, and a gun. I’m sure Obamacare is to blame.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2013
“These are my running shoes,” my 3-year-old said, showing off her sequin-covered loafers. “The sparkles make them go fast.” Your move, Nike.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2013
In case you wondered what parenthood feels like, I stepped on a fork that one of my kids put inside my shoe.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2013
My boss said I couldn’t possibly be more useless. Evidently he’s never seen me at home.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2013
I don’t get moms who go to jail for trying to sell a kid. No decent person will pay money for a child. I can’t even give mine away for free.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2013
I love the sparkles makes her go faster! Sounds logical to me!
It’s kind of like how adding a racing stripe makes your 1996 Ford Taurus go faster.