I judge people by their teeth. I like to know how much of a threat they’ll be if they die and come back as zombies.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2013
I spend 80% of my free time drinking or playing video games. I waste the other 20%.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2013
When I said you’re a natural, I meant a natural disaster. Your whole life is one big tsunami of failure.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2013
I never claimed to be a doctor. I just dressed in scrubs and let people draw their own conclusions as I offered unsolicited medical advice.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2013
I had sex with my wife in front of a motion-activated camera. It didn’t pick up anything.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 10, 2013