I made a female coworker cry on her birthday. For future reference, “I thought you were way older than that” is not a compliment.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2013
Remember, tomorrow is a new day, but there’s no reason to believe it will suck any less than the current one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2013
Regret isn’t a feeling; it’s a flavor. It tastes like the whole pizza I just ate by myself.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2013
The main way I get people to stop asking me to hang out with them is by actually hanging out with them. They never make that mistake again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2013
Regardless of what we need, my wife only buys groceries that are on sale. This week, I’ll be eating baking soda and cracker sandwiches.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2013
I guess your co-workers don’t ask you to coordinate the office parties then?
It depends on if you want the party to be entertaining because it’s fun or entertaining because it’s a disaster.