My wife: “What do you want for Father’s Day?”
Me: “To sit & drink beer.”
Her: “You do that every day.”
I lead a rich and fulfilling life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2013
Kim Kardashian has a baby, which blows my mind. I wouldn’t trust her with a house plant. She’d try to water it and set it on fire instead.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2013
You’re officially a pro at parenting when it’s already late and you decide cleaning off your kid with diaper wipes is just as good as a bath
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2013
My 1-year-old giggles when I shake my head. She’s not amused by the motion. She just finds it funny I think I can tell her “no.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2013
My wife wanted me to give her a pet name. I guess “Fido” wasn’t what she had in mind.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2013
