I wrote, "I don’t believe in sex before marriage. I only do butt stuff because it doesn’t count." I’m no longer welcome on Christian Mingle.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2013
“Daddy, are you asleep?” my 3-year-old often asks as she pokes me in the eye. Remarkably, the answer is always “no.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2013
I got a call today. I had no idea how to answer it, so I panicked and smashed my phone with a rock.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2013
My 3-year-old begged me to throw her high in the air, so I did. She should have specified she also wanted me to catch her.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2013
I’m married, so I don’t have crazy monkey sex. Quite frankly, I don’t even know where I’d buy the monkey.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2013