My wife said she wanted to watch food porn, but then she turned on Food Network. I sadly deleted all the cucumber videos I downloaded.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2013
I learn from my mistakes. It’s amazing how much those kids teach me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2013
My life would be better with a sex change. I’d like to go from “none” to “some.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2013
Dolphins breathe oxygen, so it’s possible to keep one as a pet at your house if you tie it to a skateboard and hose it down once in a while.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2013
An inspirational quote told me to live as if there’s no tomorrow, so I broke a store window and started looting.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2013
You outdid yourself with this one! So funny!
I’m just glad I finally gave you an excuse to add cucumber photo to one of my posts. The art of vegetable photography is under appreciated.