My wife told me to dress our daughter in the pink outfit with ruffles on it. That narrowed it down to every article of clothing she owns.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 2, 2013
Someone said, “You make me laugh at least once a day.” I post 17 tweets daily, so what they really meant was, “Way to fail 94% of the time.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 2, 2013
Two kinds of people read my tweets: Those who are married with kids, and those who want a reminder of why they should be glad they’re not
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 2, 2013
Some of my magnets are missing. I think my 1-year-old swallowed them, but I won’t know for sure until I find out if she sticks to the fridge
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 2, 2013
My wife said I can’t keep splitting time between her and Twitter. It’s cute how she thought I’d pick her.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 2, 2013