What I said: “It’s too wet outside to play with chalk.”
What my 3-year-old heard: “Cover the fridge in hot pink chalk. No one will notice.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2013
My goal weight is to not wear a T-shirt in the shower.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2013
Guys, you’ve found a keeper if you ask her how many men she’s slept with and she replies, “At the same time?”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2013
The only thing I did today was produce lots of carbon dioxide for plants to use. I’m basically an environmentalist.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2013
I own a smartphone, a laptop, and a tablet. The only thing all this technology helps me do is waste my time more efficiently.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2013
