My 3-year-old can open the screen door to go outside but not to get back in. This problem solves itself.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2013
“You stick your dick in and a baby comes out.”—my dad’s version of “The Talk.” It was the most awkward 4 seconds of my life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2013
In my version of homemade wine, I buy grape juice from the store and add vodka.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2013
Sorry, I couldn’t hear your paleo diet rant about how dairy is bad. I was too busy pouring queso dip on my Cheez-Its.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2013
When I drop something small but important, it usually bounces once and ends up behind a dresser three states away.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2013
I like the facts of life talk. So simple yet so eloquent.
That sentence could replace entire sex ed classes in school.