My 3-year-old said she married a boy at daycare & Santa came to the wedding. I hope she doesn’t expect me to pay for it. It sounds expensive
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2013
If you’re lazy, life will crush you. But if you work hard and do your best, life will still crush you. Laziness is the best path.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2013
Kids aren’t as expensive as people say. You just have to skip optional costs, like college and food.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2013
My wife says there’s no statute of limitations for what she can bring up during a fight. Women have no respect for the Constitution.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2013
I can’t speak a foreign language, but I can say entire paragraphs while yawning. It kind of sounds like I’m fluent in Wookie.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2013
Once again, I am totally siding with your wife! Damn, you are really outmatched aren’t you?
I don’t need numbers. I have right on my side.