If I named rooms by what goes on in them, my bedroom would be called a “celibacy enforcement chamber.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2013
I guess motorboating has nothing to do with running a woman over with a speedboat. I’m bad at foreplay.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2013
Beliebers are people who believe in Justin Bieber. I’m a non-belieber. I don’t have an opinion on his music. I just don’t think he exists.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2013
I always drink on an empty stomach. It’s a shame to waste my internal alcohol storage space on food.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2013
Someone on Twitter told me, “You seem like a good guy to do meth with.” I’m glad at least one person still knows how to give a compliment.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2013