If you’re a smoker, you pay a lot of money for the privilege of always smelling like your house burned down.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2013
A good way to find out if that document on your desk is important is to shred it. If someone asks you about it later, then it was.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2013
Thanks to me, HR had to do a company-wide policy update. I don’t know why we even have an office fridge if Jell-O shots aren’t OK at work.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2013
I’m a proud American, but I just tried Australian licorice for the first time. Apparently the rest of the world is beating us at everything.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2013
Cool tattoo. Someday, that tramp stamp will be a great way to let the other gals in the nursing home know how much you used to love butt sex
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2013
A sagging tramp stamp cannot be attractive. On a positive note, every office should keep jell-o shots in the fridge.
I’ve finally decided the only way I’ll ever have an office with an appropriate amount of alcohol in the fridge is to work from home.
Ha! Yes, I don’t think the ladies who get tramp stamps think about what it will look like in their golden years in the nursing home.