I’m pretty athletic if hating people counts as a sport.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2013
My wife said she doesn’t believe in casual sex, so I showed up for bed in a tuxedo and top hat. I still didn’t get laid.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2013
I’m sorry I called you an attention whore. You’re clearly a normal sex-for-money whore. I’ll get it right next time.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2013
America is falling behind Asia in math and science, but I get DogTV, a channel to keep my pets company while I’m at work. Your move, China.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2013
If I owned a nationwide chain of garden supply stores, my company's slogan would definitely be “We’ve got hoes in different area codes.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2013
I bet all the Shih Tzus in China are waiting for DogTV.
I can’t believe your wife ignored your formal request for sex! LOL!
To be honest, I am impressed you own a tux and top hat!
I only own the upper part of the tux, actually. I wore it with jean shorts, which may have contributed to my failure to score.