Every time an American gets excited about the royal baby, a Revolutionary War hero comes back as a zombie. Don’t piss off undead Washington.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2013
If you’re going to freak out when I ask you for a hand job, then don’t call your gas station “full service.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2013
A guy left me a voicemail at work that ended w/ “Here kitty kitty kitty.” Either he forgot to hang up or he knows my secret furry fetish,
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2013
Whenever someone asks me to do something, I reply, “In this economy?” I’ve used it to get out of birthday parties, ski trips, and foreplay.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2013
If you cut in front of me in line, I’m too polite to confront you, but I’m not too polite to cut your brake cables and laugh while you die.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2013
Sometimes you are the Daddy of all daddies and then sometimes you are just plain scary! LOL Way to keep us guessing who you really are! 🙂
I’ll be sure to let you know who I really am when I figure it out myself.