My main problem is I’m attractive in all the wrong places. I don’t have a pretty face, but I do have the world’s sexiest elbows.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2013
Putting me in an uncomfortable situation is like putting a fish in water. Awkward is where I live.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2013
I’m not getting older; I’m leveling up. The power-ups I’ve gained so far are increased body fat and back pain.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2013
Rather than saying, “Your call is important to us,” customer service lines should just admit, “We’ll leave you on hold until you hang up.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2013
When I give my wife a back rub, her version of a happy ending is falling asleep before I can try anything.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2013