There is definitely a secret society of slow drivers who conspire to be in front of me whenever I’m running late for something important.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2013
I never question my 3-year-old’s fashion choices. She wears sunglasses to bed, so she knows what she’s talking about.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2013
If nutritionists want us to eat healthier, they should put caffeine in vegetables. “It’s too early. Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my peas”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2013
My wife and I used “baking cookies” as a code for sex, but my kid threw a fit because the oven was empty. Nobody got any cookies that night.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2013
I ate all the donuts to protect you from their calories. I’ve done my good deed for the day.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 26, 2013
HAHAHAHA! Love the concept of caffeinated peas! Funny stuff James!
Thanks. If we’re lucky, the FDA will let us mix in some nicotine, too, to make sure people stay extra healthy.