If you really want to pick up women in bars, don’t bring a wingman; bring a kitten.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2013
I told my 3-year-old to play the quiet game, but she spent 20 minutes asking about the rules. Now we’re playing the go watch TV game.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2013
“So… I still need you to install my cable.”—the last line of every porno
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2013
When we discipline our kids, my wife and I never do “good cop, bad cop.” We usually do “bad cop, indifferent cop browsing Twitter.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2013
“Do you mind if I inconvenience you for the next six minutes?”—how I ask my wife for sex
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2013