Random woman: “That's a pretty dress, little girl. Which Disney princess are you?”
My 3-year-old: “I’m a zombie.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 6, 2013
Evolution didn't do cows any favors when it made them smell awful when they're alive but smell delicious when they're dead.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 6, 2013
When I overhear someone say, "I met her gaze," I never know if they mean "I made eye contact" or "I met more than one of her gay friends."
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 6, 2013
When you're small and uncoordinated, everything is a threat. My 3-year-old just got attacked by a folding chair.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 6, 2013
I lost a lot of respect for Catholic saints when I found out being canonized doesn't involve getting shot out of a cannon.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 6, 2013
I just love how your three-year-old thinks! LOL Zombie. I want you to be in a reality show when your girls hit the teen years.
She loves me now, but I have a feeling her teenage years will consist of half a decade of her giving me the silent treatment.
Spoken like a man with toddlers. You will WISH she gives you the silent treatment!!!! 🙂