Today my 1-year-old spent a full minute waving “hello” to a rock. I don’t know if this means she’ll have a hard or easy time making friends.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2013
There are no bad ideas, just good ideas and ideas I’m not drunk enough to try yet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2013
When I die, I expect a front-page obituary, but the headline will probably be “Drunken Jackass Dies Trying to Ride a Giraffe.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2013
There should be a caffeine patch like the one for nicotine. I don’t need it. I just want to stealthily put it on people trying to sleep.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2013
The best part about occasionally hating myself is the solo angry makeup sex.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2013