My 3-year-old: "Daddy, put away your phone and push me on the swing."
Me: "I can do both."
*knocks her off the swing*
*tweets about it*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2013
I can tell if a couple is married or dating when the guy tells a bad joke. If she laughs, they’re dating. If she stabs him, they’re married.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2013
My 1-year-old finally went down the stairs. Sure, she walked down two steps and then fell down the rest, but I’m still counting it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2013
Ever since joining Twitter, I’ve redefined “watching my kids” to mean “playing with my phone in the same general vicinity as them.”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2013
I had to tell my 3-year-old she can’t eat Lucky Charms and brush her teeth at the same time. Nothing is self-explanatory for children.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2013
