Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 22, 2013
Women aren’t impressed by my physique, but they are extremely jealous of my long, girly eyelashes. Whatever. I’ll take it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 22, 2013
If you can dial the number for the pizza delivery place from memory, then it counts as a home-cooked meal.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 22, 2013
Protip: Date someone tall. If you walk behind them, they’ll knock down all the spider webs for you with their face.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 22, 2013
I know a thing or two about women: They’re short and they make everything needlessly complicated. That’s it. I only know those two things.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 22, 2013
I like how you think with pizza; I am a little concerned with your knowledge of women. So, I guess it’s a wash! Very funny!