I didn’t say I want “presents.” I said I want “peasants.” I’m looking to start a feudal state, not use a gift card.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2013
Nice try, spam account on Facebook. Your invitation didn’t fool me. Attractive people don’t want to be my friend.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2013
My wife suddenly started cooking for the 1st time in our marriage. I hired a food taster b/c the only explanation is she plans to poison me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2013
I had to look up if DUI laws apply to paddle boats, in case you wondered how our cookout went.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2013
My wife said she washed her face and accidentally stuck a finger up her nose, making it bleed. It’s cute how she lies about her coke habit.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2013