Unicorn Bites 8/9/13

A lady at work flipped out at me when I said all women are a little crazy. I retract my statement. All women are very, very crazy.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2013

A headline on Yahoo said a celebrity’s kid “enjoys books.” I hope follow-up stories talk about how the child “eats food” & “breathes oxygen”

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2013

My 3-year-old calls an Interstate overpass “the big hill” in case you wondered how flat Indiana is.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2013

I only have two problems with you: 1) your physical appearance 2) your personality. I’m not sure what that leaves. Your dog is OK, I guess.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2013

I complain about the same problems every day. I need to be proactive and find new problems to complain about.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2013