Men have told the history of entire nations in fewer words than it took my wife to explain how she saved 38 cents on a bag of grapes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2013
Coworker:“How often does Halloween fall on Friday the 13th?”
Me:“Never.”
Him:“I’ll look it up.”
It’s a good thing stupid isn’t contagious
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2013
“I am all in”—a statement of bold risk-taking during poker
“I AM all in”—an apology by a guy for not being big enough during sex
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2013
Of course I sound condescending when I talk to you. That’s the most contempt I can legally show without jabbing my finger in your eye.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2013
I lost all interest in nature the day I learned a spider monkey isn’t a venomous, web-spinning primate.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 13, 2013