It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2013
I don’t stumble around when I’m drunk. I fall on the floor and stay there because I have dignity.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2013
Let’s settle our differences like adults: with snippy emails and passive aggressive comments in a simmering feud over the rest of our lives.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2013
On my way to work I heard a chipmunk chirping. It was probably a mating call. Nice try, little dude, but I don’t swing that way.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2013
I understand why some people choose to be vegetarian. Not everyone likes to be happy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2013