I found an amazing cure for world hunger. It’s called “food.” When starving people eat it, it eliminates their starvation 100% of the time.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2013
Boss: Do you know why I called you in here?
Me: You want to express your love for me through interpretive dance.
Him:
Me:
H:
M:
H: Yes
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2013
In case you wondered, a pot pie isn’t actually a pastry stuffed with cannabis. Thanks for nothing, Kroger.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2013
I don’t get the proof system for alcohol content. Bottles should just list how many shots it’ll take for me to lose feeling in my face.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2013
I’m a perfectionist. I like everything to be just right before I fuck it all up. That way I can tell I made a difference.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2013