My 3-year-old thinks kindergarten is pronounced “ninja garden,” in case you wondered why she’s eager to be old enough to go to school.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 24, 2013
I playfully threw a biscuit at my wife’s head, but she got really pissed about it. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 24, 2013
Not to brag, but I could probably beat a penguin in a fist fight. Not the big Emperor ones, of course, but definitely one of the little guys
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 24, 2013
It only takes 30 seconds to make a first impression, which is fortunate. That’s the longest I can pretend to be normal without blowing it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 24, 2013
“Let’s forget this ever happened.”—vodka
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 24, 2013