“Don’t worry, I can fix this.”—me, right before I make things much, much worse
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2013
*explores the entire map on “Skyrim”*
*adds “geographer” to résumé*
*gets bitches*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2013
Here are the preferred ways to contact me, from worst to best: 1) in person 2) by phone 3) by text 4) by email 5) not at all.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2013
Apparently the theme song to Super Mario Brothers isn’t the national anthem in Japan or Italy. I don’t understand the world anymore.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2013
I judge my day by what time I say, “Screw this, I give up.” Most days it’s seconds after I get to work. Today it was before I got out of bed
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2013