What The Duck?


Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson recently did an interview with GQ magazine. Considering GQ’s emphasis on male fashion and Phil’s affection for cammo gear, this makes about as much sense as an anti-bullying group interviewing Chris Christie. Someone in headquarters must be desperate to increase magazine sales.

Phil must still be angry about his third-place finish at that Willie Nelson impersonator contest, because he used the interview to label homosexuality a sin and suggest that it leads to bestiality.

Yes, Phil is doing his part to ensure that the appeal of religion to young people shrinks as fast as possible. Recognizing that Phil’s comments might affect the one thing that matters (ie sales of Duck Dynasty products), a representative from A&E sent a statement to The Huffington Post. Written to imply that Phil actually said the words, the statement in part read:

“However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me.”

Oh, okay. We’re good now.

Over time we’ve learned that the biggest homophobes are often closeted men who deal with the frustration of hiding their reality by lashing out at what they are. I’ll bet Phil fits this description. He spends his time in a swamp with a bunch of dudes. He’s obsessed with Jesus (yet another man). There’s an obvious attraction to things you stick in your mouth and blow on (otherwise known as duck calls). But the giveaway is that beard and mustache. I’ll bet a series of guys have looked down at Phil and said “Damn, I feel like I’m screwing a feral cat.”

This could explain the bestiality thing. But don’t get me wrong – I’m not treating Phil with disrespect just because he’s different from me. I’d never do that. We’re all the same in the eyes of the Lord.

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6 thoughts on “What The Duck?”

  1. You know you are on the right side of the moral divide when Sarah Palin opens her mouth flapper to defend you.

  2. Take that beard away and Phil looks more like Tom Selleck than Willie.

    My take is that Robertson is in no position, or any other of the duck guys for that matter, to be dispensers of moral opinions. They don’t have a webbed foot to stand on, much less a duck blind.

    And here’s why – their reason for being, the only reason we know their name is they are profiting on a device that makes Donald think Daisy wants him behind the reeds to make ducklings. Robertson makes a duck call so good the mallards are practically orgasmic as they take flight. “I’m gonna get laid,” Donald and Daffy are saying as they take off… only to be blasted out of the air by a redneck standing behind a blind.

    I can see hunting, I can even see quail shooting but it’s as morally wrong as can be to deceive a poor duck into thinking some duck coochi is waiting for him in the next pond when, really, it’s only Charley wearing camo.

    Phil Robertson needs quit harping about gays and instead to ask for forgiveness for all the horny ducks he sent to their sad end. And then he better hope he’s not insured by AFLAC.

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