Why Bigamists Should Never Post Facebook Photos

You would think that being a bigamist would require one to  maintain a life cloaked in secrecy so that the whole bigamy thing goes unnoticed by the world or at least by the spouses who are the reason the bigamy thing exists–unless of course, one is a Mormon with a reality TV show on TLC—then anything goes.  However, for the plain, not famous bigamist staying under the radar is key if the bigamy life is going to be successful. So, one has to wonder what went through a Washington bigamist’s mind when he not only kept  a Facebook page but friended both his wives on said Facebook page.

Yep, this is true and to make matters worse, he posted pictures.  Oh yeah, he posted pictures of him and wife #2 cutting their wedding cake.  Just a tip for future bigamists:  wedding photos are the toughest to explain away to a first spouse, so if you must be a bigamist and you must post photos of your spouses on Facebook, post pictures where the evidence is not so damning. Anyway, wife #1 saw the photos (duh!) and, it all went downhill from there and now the bigamist is facing jail time which is ironic because he is a prison guard.

Yes, another twist: He is or was a corrections officer. Yes, a prison cop who left his first wife, never filed for divorce and never looked back. He changed his name and then married wife #2 without defriending wife #1 or what would have been smarter – deleting his Facebook account. And this is a man who was watching over the most violent criminals in our prison system!

A brief aside: It has been my contention for years that social media is not for the weak minded, and I think bigamy is a weak-minded “disease”.  Oh, yes, I am sure it’s a disease to some shrink or lawyer somewhere who will use this excuse to get him therapy instead of jail time. Anyway, I do not understand the advantage to having two spouses at once. Do people think they are going to get double sex? I think one just gets doubly tired. I know that if I did the bigamist life, it would turn into a never-ending existence of housecleaning, errands and other everyday crap with little if any double sex. Who would have time for any sex after all that running around just to keep a secret? I think for anyone to truly enjoy a bigamist lifestyle, one needs to marry someone who is rich and someone else who is richer.  Having double spouses would require lots of help and lots of excess cash.

So, back to the moron who didn’t think his wives would find him on Facebook.

Wife #1 saw her missing husband’s feed which included his new wedding photos.  She confronted him and he had the nerve to deny it at first, but again, wedding pics are hard to deny.  He begged her not to turn him in, but as is with most women scorned, revenge is the only answer to ease the pain (if you don’t count chocolate and a killer divorce attorney), so she called the cops who arrested him immediately. So, now the husband is out of a job and facing jail time, and wife #1 and wife #2 are left to pick up the pieces of their shattered existences.  Is it me or would this story make a great Lifetime Movie or at least a heck of a commercial for eHarmony or Christian Singles? I can just see this ad copy:  “Don’t let this happen to you. We screen for bigamists.”