A Passing

In a surprising twist, a prominent LGBT group is mourning the passing of Fred Phelps, founder of the Westboro Baptist Church. The group, called Human Dignity For All, issued the following press release on Friday:

“Today we mourn the passing of Fred Phelps, also known as Fred The Red. He and his church worked tirelessly to convert undecided people to the causes of tolerance, acceptance, and equality for members of our community. We’d often send out these big blast mass emails and pick up only a small handful of new supporters. But whenever Fred held a funeral protest, all the major networks would cover it. You’d see him there with his pack of worn-out people who looked like something out of a Dust Bowl photo, screaming and quivering. And the people watching them on TV started sensing just how wrong homophobia is.

Did you happen to notice how his skin looked in those latter-day photos – all blotchy and red? It looked like one of those rashes you get on the inside of your thighs when you’ve been camping too long and haven’t been able to shower for days. That’s the power of hate. And the big-time haters always achieve the opposite of what they intend because everyone else eventually realizes that they’re utterly lost and confused.

We couldn’t have found a better person than Fred to help advance our cause. We’re sad to see our greatest recruiter go, but we hope he finds some peace in the afterlife. One look at that face tells you just how badly he needed it.”