A Restaurant For People Who Still Care About The Constitution

If you’re like me, you’re sick and tired of surrendering your Second Amendment rights whenever you go into the courthouse for a contentious child-custody hearing. You’ve had it up to here with a Post Office that is determined to strip away your freedoms whenever you try to mail a letter. It’s getting to be like smoking – wherever you go, mamby-pamby bystanders keep whining about the threat your actions pose to their health.

These people just don’t understand Freedom. Even owners of private dining establishments are getting in on the act. Toby Keith won’t let you bring your firearm into his I Love This Bar And Grill ‘restaurant”? Well Toby can suck it because I’m here to announce the grand opening of my new restaurant:

The Patriot Diner

Like Paul Revere, this restaurant is revolutionary. And not just in the menu, which offers meals that are high in sodium and fat because it pisses off the FDA. No, the real innovation is in how your order.

Step into The Patriot Diner and you won’t see a bunch of employees in hair-nets bitching about their pay. You’ll just see a row of targets at the end of a long, narrow room. That’s the menu. And here’s how you order:

You take out your gun and shoot in your choices from 100 yards. Want the chicken? Aim your gun and blow a hole through the chicken picture on the first menu. What’s that, our scrumptious Jamaican-Me-Horny Chicken Sandwich isn’t enough? You also want some fries? Then move on to menu #2 and tell that potato-image to make your day. And then aim for the big red button that says “Order” when you’re done.

Your food will arrive shortly through a steel-plated trap door.

But what if you can’t hit the target-menus at 100 yards? That tells me that you hate Freedom. Which means you should hide your gun like a scared little boy and go eat at Toby’s so-called restaurant. I’ve heard that the Health Department let them re-open. especially after they sorted their energy issue. If you want to see how you can save on your bills you might want to check out business electricity here so you can get the best and targeted deals for you.

So hurry on down to The Patriot Diner. And if Freedom isn’t enough to motivate you, we’re throwing in a little extra bonus. For one week (and one week only!) your meal is on the house if you shoot yourself in the leg while ordering.