A True Soda Jerk… I Mean Jagoff | HumorOutcasts

A True Soda Jerk… I Mean Jagoff

January 16, 2014

This can happen anywhere you find a “free refills” soda fountain. We just happened to have this happen at an Arby’s and didn’t have the guts to click a pic of the person who we’re about to talk about. Too close for comfort—-even for me!

List of Events:

1) Lady in front of me orders food and drink.

2) Lady in front of me gets empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

3) I order my food and drink.

4) I get an empty cup to go fill at the soda fountain machine.

5) I go to soda fountain machine to get some pop.

6) All events now come to a SCREEEEEEEEEECHING HALT.

It seems that the lady in front of me has to make sure that she fills her cup to the very top to get her money’s worth. Tssssssst! The machine fills her cup and she lets the foam die down. Tsssst, tssst! A couple of shorter soda bursts pops the foam bubbles and fills the cup ALMOST to the top. Tsssst, Tsst, Tsssssst! Whoa.. gotta spill some foam out. Tsssst, tssst! Almost to the top but not quite. (One more shot.) Tsssssssst! Ooops got some on her hand (wipes hand on pants). Tssssst! FULL!!!!

Now she stands right in front of the machine with her food tray and purse, elbows spread out like a roller derby babe, as she tries to squeeze the lid on the cup without losing any overflow! Nobody behind her can get a drink. This lady is officially doing a COKE-Block on us (Funny, huh?)

(Yes! I know it’s a Pepsi machine photo and we said Coke-block. Pepsi-block just didn’t work.)

Tsssst! Tssssssssst! Tsst! Tssssssssst! Spill. Tsssst! Tsssssssssst! Tst! Tsst! Sip, Tsssssst! Add more ice, Tsssssst! Tst! Poke floating ice with finger, lick finger, Tst! Apply lid, spill some, oops, spilled too much, Tssst! Tssssssst! Apply lid. Insert straw. Sip loose pop, that leaked out around the straw, from top of lid. (Are you feeling as frustrated as we felt yet?)

Hey lady, it’s FREE REFILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You DON’T have to stand there and empty the fountain tanks into your cup to feel like you’re getting over on the restaurant while the rest of us look on as if we were watching a Latte Artist.

How about THIS unselfish thought….drink what you have, get out of everyone else’s way and ONLY come back when you NEED more pop, I mean soda, Ya Jagoff!!!!

John Chamberlin

I write about Jagoffs, i.e. stupid politicians, awful sports officials, dumb criminals, bad drivers, ignorant people and on and on. BTW, Jagoff is NOT a swear word. It can be just as confusing as their, there and they're. Sometimes it's actually used as a term of endearment. My Pittsburgh blog is YaJagoff.com. Twitter is @YaJagoff.

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4 Responses to A True Soda Jerk… I Mean Jagoff

  1. Kathy Minicozzi
    January 16, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Where I grew up, we called it “pop.”

    Where I have been living now for decades we call it “soda.”

    Whatever you call it, it’s rude to hold other people up from getting their fizzy drink fix. It’s downright un-American. I would serve the woman right if she swallowed it wrong and got a nose full of carbonation.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    January 16, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    I think the key to this predicament is that you can’t see through the cup so here’s my massively ambitious plan. This is going to sound strange but I’m sorry, this is just how the Bill Y mind works. Why don’t people bring an empty plastic bottle with them and refill it at the soda fountain machine? That way, you could see how much foam is in the bottle, get rid of it and fill it up with pop? I’m not saying it’s a flawless idea because I’ve just thought of 25 flaws but radical change has got to start somewhere! 😉

  3. January 16, 2014 at 11:27 am

    John, I hope you got caffeine-free Pepsi. HA HA!

  4. January 16, 2014 at 10:32 am

    Hey! At least you got an article out of this!
    I just noticed that Arby’s claims to have “Good Mood Food”. Does this mean they sell beef from cows that moo’d?

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