Airlines Warned of Possible Cucumber Pants Bomb, Though No Specific Threat Known

The U.S. government has warned airlines to pay particular attention to the possibility of terrorists attempting to hide explosives inside the front of their pants within a hollowed out cucumber, a result of new intelligence, according to two people familiar with the situation. The officials stressed there is no specific threat or known plot.

Bulge check

Airlines and passengers are told to not be alarmed, as this is just a precautionary measure, highlighted only to maintain heightened awareness. But officials do ask that passengers keep a watchful eye on any possible bulges in the front of other traveler’s pants which may indicate a possible bomb.

“Whenever possible, discreetly examine the front of others’ pants to see if they’ve got anything going on down there. It may be a large cucumber or it might be one of those baby cucumbers they sell at Whole Foods. An ‘accidental’ grope also goes a long way in potentially protecting hundreds or even thousands of your fellow citizens. Try to alert an airline employee if you think another passenger has something inside the front of their pants,” one of the sources explains.

International travel laws enacted since 9/11 prescribe that anyone found with such an explosive bulge surely must be hung.

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4 thoughts on “Airlines Warned of Possible Cucumber Pants Bomb, Though No Specific Threat Known”

  1. This may give the gay men an opportunity to do something for their country that straights simply lack the nerve and skill for.

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