Coupon Cravings | HumorOutcasts

Coupon Cravings

February 23, 2014
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photo credit: StockMonkeys.com via photopin cc

photo credit: StockMonkeys.com via photopin cc

I’m an addict.  A full blown addict.  My drug of choice?  Normally it’s Chipotle burritos, but lately it’s become coupons and online shopping.

I can’t get enough.  I’m a junkie and nothing makes me feel more alive than a coupon for free shipping.

And now that I’ve had a taste of the good stuff (which in my world is an extra 30% off everything), I can’t go back to my life before…my life on the outside…I’m a changed woman.  This addiction definitely has a hold on me.

Do I really need 15 gallons of dish soap?  Of course not, but it’s cheaper to buy it by the gallon and mama needs free shipping.  And because of it, our horizon sparkles with clean dishes that smell like a waterfall.

photo credit: alles-schlumpf via photopin cc

photo credit: alles-schlumpf via photopin cc

Aside from saving money (and collecting enough non-perishable items to feed a small village), Internet shopping has other perks as well.  Perhaps the biggest perk is shopping in my underwear, although sometimes while internet shopping, that’s all I wear.

Yet another perk?  Not having to deal with the judging glances and stares of the store clerks who think it’s ridiculous to purchase liquor in bulk.

My Internet shopping also helps local commerce.  I’m doing my part to keep Mailman Ricardo working to deliver those packages.  I’m thoughtful that way.

If I haven’t convinced you to hop on the internet shopping train then I don’t know what will.  However, if you must continue to shop at local stores, make sure you put on pants.  Trust me.  I’m speaking from experience.

Lisa Newlin

Lisa is a humor writer who plays an unconvincing lawyer in year life. She prefers dogs to most people, and food over most everything. Her blog, http://lisanewlin.com will make you feel better about your own life. It will also remind you that vodka is the answer to everything. (Except if the question is "What should I throw on this fire?" Then the answer is definitely NOT vodka.) She is also a co-author of the bestselling humor books, "I Just Want to Be Alone" and "'You've Got Lipstick On Your Teeth,' And Other Things Only Heard From Your Friends In The Powder Room." You should buy them immediately on Amazon.com.

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6 Responses to Coupon Cravings

  1. Forrest Brakeman
    February 24, 2014 at 10:48 am

    I got all hot and bothered when you said “purchase liquor in bulk.” I’m now in negotiations with the cable company to raise my internet speed.

    • February 25, 2014 at 8:05 pm

      Buying liquor in bulk is both the worst thing and best thing to ever happen.

  2. February 24, 2014 at 2:52 am

    Buy stuff in bulk, and *eventually* you’ll get to the bottom of it …

    • February 25, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      There are some things I want to buy in bulk and I can’t find them….like Oreos.

  3. February 23, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    Sister, I’m with you. Especially seeing that I’m not willing to shed my pajamas for any meaningful length of time, online shopping is how I live me life. If I could just get someone to grocery shop for me I’d be a full on hermit. I’ve gotta figure out a way to work that out.

    • February 23, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      Amazon delivers groceries in some areas, or you can just order fast food delivered.



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