I represent my clients’ Swimsuit and Closet Full of Pants. This letter is served upon you as a cease and desist of your current activity as it has been brought to my attention by my clients that you have been undergoing unauthorized expansion.
Until you have diminished to the size sanctioned by my clients, your wrongful actions will be henceforth concealed by the application of bulky sweaters and untucked shirts as a man can only “suck in” for so long.
You will not receive another warning letter. If you do not confirm in writing by March 13, 2014 that you will cease violating your agreement with Swimsuit and Closet Full of Pants to maintain a girth no longer than 32 inches and a flat surface, a strict regimen of diet and exercise will be commenced immediately. And this law office does not want a strict regimen of diet and exercise.
CC: Swimsuit, Closet Full of Pants