To avoid epic fails on Father’s Day, there are plenty of things NOT to give your spouse or your father on their big day. The following is a list of 10 items to avoid next time you’re out shopping:
1) Cologne bought out of the trunk of someone’s car on the side of the road.
2) Tickets to a Barry Manilow concert.
3) A yearly subscription to Orthopedic Monthly.
4) A box of Rogaine and discount coupons for hair plugs.
5) A matching set of His and Her bejeweled cremation urns.
6) Blue underwear depicting a train across the front with the slogan, “Blow My Horn!” Male thongs are an equally disturbing gift.
7) A case of non-alcoholic beer.
8) A jar of pickled pigs feet in habanero pepper sauce. Or a can of beans, for that matter.
9) A tee shirt that reads: “Just because I have man boobs doesn’t mean that I am lactating!”
10) Do not sign him up for the constipation research study advertised on a late night infomercial or the Buy-One-Get-One sale on Fleet enemas at the drugstore.
Still worried about what to get that special man on Father’s Day? Show him this list, then offer him a silk, SpongeBob tie and a six pack of generic beer brewed by hog farmers living near a sewage plant. He’ll thank you for the best Father’s Day ever!