Hooray, Hooray for Valentine’s Day

One glance at the calendar reminded me of two items that needed immediate attention. One, my winter turnout blanket has hatched a fragrance that does not resemble Channel No. 5. Two, I must upgrade my understanding of Valentine’s Day.

Not that I can’t land a date for this auspicious event. It’s just that I seem to make dubious choices when it comes to love. Madam claims I fall for the wrong kind of females – the ones that would rather endure a root canal from Dr. Carlson than sign up for a Julia Child baking class with me. That seemed a bit harsh, but nonetheless, deserved thought. So, I checked out Wikipedia in search of a few helpful tips and traditions.

All I can say is Valentine’s Day has come a long way in 800 years. Those early Romans didn’t know the difference between slaying a goat and smooching a sweetheart. According to my research, an irregular god named Lupercus, started the frolicking mess, and I’m pretty sure if Madam had met him, she would have bonked him on the bean with a wooden spoon. An early Valentine’s Day festival of Lupercalla read like a gang of over-served goofballs who left their togas at the door.

So, I rang up Madam’s Elderly Jack Russell and asked if we could chat about the meaning of Valentine’s Day. At age 14, she must know a thing or two about this fete of flowers and chocolates.

“Here’s the thing,” she began with JR authority. “First you need to know the difference between pleasure and happiness when discussing Valentine’s Day.  Pleasure is finding a milk bone under your pillow, and happiness is having a pillow and a pal to share the milk bone.”

Hmm… made sense from a dog’s point of view. Perhaps Madam’s Fluff Muffin Cat could offer further enlightenment from a feline perspective. He did just that.

“I see Valentine’s Day as a time to take charge of my own happiness,” declared the Fluff Muffin with the slightest eye roll. “No dates, no dining out, just a spa day in my COSTCO box parked next to a sunny window.”

My, my, good old Lupercus would never have put up with such tranquil Valentine’s Day antics.

Finally, I put the question to Madam.  “Tell me what you think about Valentine’s Day?”

“Let’s see,” she pondered out loud. “I’d say it’s about close and kind relationships with others,” she offered. “You know, like our friendship Noah. After all, I’ve always said, if your were a guy I would have married you,” she chuckled.

Oh dear, that’s a little awkward, but I do like the sounds of celebrating close and kind friendships! Omar and I had better get busy putting together a little Valentine’s potluck for the neighbors.