Housewarming Gifts That Will Always Be Remembered

Several people I know have moved in the last few months, and so my mind has been focused on finding housewarming gifts that would fit each new homeowner’s personality. I have scoured retail stores and online sites for the best gifts and I thought it would be nice if I passed on my research to you. I have come up with a nice variety of items that say “Welcome Guests” or “We are so excited to be homeowners” or “Enter at your own risk”. You might be a fan of mine, but that’s the great thing about house warming gift ideas, everyone has them.

Are you a traditionalist? Well, how about giving a nice welcome mat. There are monogrammed ones, nature or pet-themed ones or perhaps something a bit different. For instance, what if your new homeowner friends are trying to lose weight? Maybe this is the mat for them:

welcome mat 2

Each time they enter the house, they step on the scale. That will either give them incentive to stay away from the fridge or if the numbers are good, the desire to rip open that new package of Milano cookies, Girl Scout Thin Mints, Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy or …well, you get the idea. And what if your homeowner friends or relatives have legal issues? Maybe they are people who sometimes attract law enforcement to their door. How can you help them out with this?


I like this one; it gives the police a good heads up without the homeowner having to scrunch down behind the front door or windows waiting for the cops to go away.

And since we are on the whole legal, criminal thing: how about a condiment holder that shoots out ketchup and mustard. It’s cool if the new homeowners like to play CSI and stage crime scenes with fake blood, and it also comes in handy when warding off burglars or a maybe a mad Meth supplier. Mustard stings, so if they can shoot it into a person’s eye, it buys time for a getaway. I also heard it works good on burgers and hot dogs — so whatever.

ketchup gun

And if guns are a big part of the new homeowners’ lives, might I suggest first: you get new friends and if that is impossible then second: add a set of handgun salt and pepper shakers to the ketchup shooter. How much more fun would it be to say “Shoot me over some salt” or “Aim some pepper my way” than just a boring “Pass the salt please” ? Nothing puts the fun back into a meal like target shooting condiments at your spouse and kids!

gun salt and pepper shakerAre your new homeowners fond of deviant sex or at least lots and lots of sex? Do they hang out with people who share their “zest” for life and companionship? Well, then the gift you need to get them is a lube fountain. It’s pretty and practical, and I can bet my bottom dollar that this will not be a duplicate gift. I admit that I was shocked when I found this item, but it is one of the new featured products at the Adult Toy Expo in Las Vegas this year. (For the record, I did not attend the conference, I just read about it.) If you think about it, nothing puts out the welcome message quite like a tiered motorized fountain of lube. And it makes a dandy centerpiece too! Caveat: It might be nice to also add a carton of Clorox disinfectant wipes with this gift. Just a suggestion.

lube fountain

I hope these suggestions helped you out with your housewarming gift purchases. I know they helped me. If you purchase any of these items, I would love to know the reaction of your gift recipients.

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14 thoughts on “Housewarming Gifts That Will Always Be Remembered”

  1. I had to remove my “Come Back With A Warrant” mat because they kept coming back with a warrant!

  2. The scale welcome mat would probably help you trim your dining entertainment budget. Have to admit I’m also partial to the Come Back with a Warrant one. Reminds me of a Stephanie Plum Novel.

  3. Funny stuff. I like the condiment holder that shoots out ketchup and mustard. Wish I had one when the kids were toddlers. 🙂

  4. I really like the “Come Back With A Warrant” mat. Reason: Eh, I plead the fifth.

  5. I can safely say that I have never seen the words “lube” and “fountain” used so close together, ever. Kudos!

    I ordered a baker’s dozen.

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