We’re all wondering how this Duck Dynasty phenomenon is ultimately going to end, right? I think I know the answer. But I’m not talking about the show itself, but what comes afterward. We’re talking the big picture here.
The patriarch Phil Robertson is going to pass into the afterlife. His spirit will float through the sky being pulled toward a warm, glorious light. He’ll land and then walk through the pearly gates into the entrance of Heaven. And he’ll stand there dressed in camos and his American Flag headband, waiting for God to welcome him and show him to his room.
God will step up to greet him. And when Phil asks where his room is, God will hand him a Bible.
“Hold on a second,” God will say, “Turn to Matthew 19, verses 23 and 24. Read me those passages.”
So Phil reads them aloud:
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of Heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.”
God will look at Phil and say, “Don’t be too upset, most rich guys get it wrong. But you can go back down and try again. I suggest holding a yard sale for charities.”
And then a gay man will say, “Excuse me buddy.”
Phil will step aside to let the man pass. And God will point to a room.
“Welcome. You’re in room number twenty-three. Feel free to repaint it if you don’t like the color.”