1) Never stick a pencil up your nose. Lead doesn’t smell good. Neither do rubber erasers.
2) Do not wear flip-flops in a snowstorm. One of them will come off and blow away. You will spend the rest of your life wondering if it found a good home.
3) Do not carry an umbrella in New York City during a windy rainstorm. Its mangled skeleton will be found the next day in the gutter where it died, abandoned and alone. You will have to hold a memorial service every year, and you will feel really stupid holding a memorial service for an umbrella.
4) Never write anything on the back of your hand. All of your friends will laugh at you because they will think you are just too cheap to get a tattoo.
5) If you get married, don’t ride off in a carriage shaped like a pumpkin. Half the guys on your guest list will make stupid Cinderella jokes and want to check out your glass slippers so they can look up your dress. Your new groom will get mad and throw rice and old shoes in their faces. This will start a big food and clothing fight right in front of the church. Half the men will show up at the reception without their pants. It’s better to just order a limousine instead.
I wish you had of told me about the pencil before now. I used to stick pencils up my nose so often when I was a kid but that’s how I now have such a high level of pain tolerance until of course that so-called music comes on the radio!
Yes, but just think of what you put those poor pencils through! 😉
During one of our first snow storms this year, a young lady got stuck in a snowdrift and had to wait an hour to get out. I ran into her later at a local gas station, and noticed she was wearing … flip flops. In January.
That’s known as being too lazy to put on a pair of shoes when you know it will be warm inside the car and your feet probably won’t get that cold.
Either that or she was in a big hurry and forgot that she didn’t have any shoes on!
Or maybe she’s a member of the Polar Bear Club.
A lot of the teenagers around here are members of a club where they like to dress way too little for the weather conditions … I call them the “Moron Club”.
Wish I’d read this a while back, the pumpkin carriage woulda ruled.
I sang at a wedding once where there was a “fairy tale” type white carriage parked in front of the church, ready to whisk the bride and groom away. It had a white horse hitched up to it. It was a little the worse for wear, though. It had some pealing paint! I think Cinderella wouldn’t have liked it.