1) Never stick a pencil up your nose. Lead doesn’t smell good. Neither do rubber erasers.
2) Do not wear flip-flops in a snowstorm. One of them will come off and blow away. You will spend the rest of your life wondering if it found a good home.
3) Do not carry an umbrella in New York City during a windy rainstorm. Its mangled skeleton will be found the next day in the gutter where it died, abandoned and alone. You will have to hold a memorial service every year, and you will feel really stupid holding a memorial service for an umbrella.
4) Never write anything on the back of your hand. All of your friends will laugh at you because they will think you are just too cheap to get a tattoo.
5) If you get married, don’t ride off in a carriage shaped like a pumpkin. Half the guys on your guest list will make stupid Cinderella jokes and want to check out your glass slippers so they can look up your dress. Your new groom will get mad and throw rice and old shoes in their faces. This will start a big food and clothing fight right in front of the church. Half the men will show up at the reception without their pants. It’s better to just order a limousine instead.