Police have reported that yesterday actress Lindsey Lohan sat quietly and uneventfully all day reading by the pool. A heroin underdose is suspected.
“Detectives have been all over this yard. We’ve talked to neighbors, the trash man, the gardener…There were no reports of loud noises, fights…nothing. Her story of pretty much just hanging out by the pool seems to check out.
We found only a small bag with just trace residue of narcotics and only one syringe. No blood…no broken furniture…There was simply not a large amount of heroin used right here.”
Detectives left their business cards, along with an icy gaze while lifting their sunglasses, asking slowly and dramatically that if anything much worse happens, give them a call.