Lindsey Lohan Reads Book Quietly by the Pool, Heroin Underdose Suspected

Police have reported that yesterday actress Lindsey Lohan sat quietly and uneventfully all day reading by the pool. A heroin underdose is suspected.


“Detectives have been all over this yard. We’ve talked to neighbors, the trash man, the gardener…There were no reports of loud noises, fights…nothing. Her story of pretty much just hanging out by the pool seems to check out.

We found only a small bag with just trace residue of narcotics and only one syringe. No blood…no broken furniture…There was simply not a large amount of heroin used right here.”

Detectives left their business cards, along with an icy gaze while lifting their sunglasses, asking slowly and dramatically that if anything much worse happens, give them a call.

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3 thoughts on “Lindsey Lohan Reads Book Quietly by the Pool, Heroin Underdose Suspected”

    1. Maybe so, but she has a POOL, and, apparently, nice weather in which to enjoy it.

      Kathy Minicozzi, who is sitting in a studio apartment in The Bronx, enjoying(?) the coldest, stormiest winter in recent New York City history.

      1. I’d be willing to give up heroin in return for a pool and weather good enough to sit by it.

        Of course, I’ve never tried heroin, but I’d still make the sacrifice.

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