SILLIMAN HELPS SELECT ROYALS 6TH INNING SONG
The Royals are pushing Garth Brooks out. They think they’re too good for “Low Places” and want a new 6th Inning song.
The Royals reason they’re out of the cellar, why keep reminding folks of the friends they had when they were down there. I think this is a “duh”, a given. If you call yourself “The Royals” why even consider you’ve got friends in low places. No, you don’t. All your friends are snooty and you need a better song.
We’re trying to help. Lyle even wants to contribute. Kansas City, by the way, has a lot of songs with its name in it. One of them was written by great team of Rodgers and Hammerstein with this line “Everything is Up to Date in Kansas City. They’ve gone about as far as they can go.” The problem with that song is it brings up another state plus I don’t think they’ve gone that far.
Kansas City Star is a good little song about a kid’s show TV star being a big fish in Kansas City. Roger Miller, another Oklahoman, might just be the right guy to replace Garth. It has the line “I’m the king of Kansas City, no thanks, Omaha, thanks a lot.” Roger seems to like to use the word “king” in his lyrics if you remember “King of the Road.” To us, that’s perfect for Royals, even if the “King” is a kiddie show host or a hobo.
Or do we go from Garth to the girl band Shangri-Las with their “Train From Kansas City.” The fans get to stand up and sing about a lying woman. At least it won’t be hobos, although there are trains involved. Lying women show up often in Kansas City songs.
Do we consider Stoller and Lieber’s Kansas City which has been covered by everybody? I do mean everybody, Fats Domino, Muddy Waters, Willie Nelson, Bill Haley, Lou Rawls. All these guys sang:
“I’m goin’ to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come (repeat)
They got some crazy little women there, and I’m gonna get me one
I’m gonna be standing on the corner, of Twelfth Street and Vine (repeat)
With my Kansas City baby, and a bottle of Kansas City wine…
This would be a great 6th inning song except for one thing, they’re ALREADY in Kansas City! They don’t need to go there. They don’t need to tell people they’re coming there, PLUS Kauffman Stadium, home of the Royals is nowhere near 12th Street and Vine! PLUS, 12th Street and Vine doesn’t even EXIST anymore! They ripped out everything north of 18th when they put in the Negro Leagues Hall of Fame. It’s a wonderful song but a terrible one to be singing on Stadium Drive when you’re already IN Kansas City.
We think if you’re going to kick out Garth, an Oklahoman, and his song, the least you can do is replace him with another Oklahoman. And don’t be snooty about it, even though you’re the ROYALS. Be free spirited, don’t pay no union dues, and two hours of pushin’ broom buys an eight by twelve four-bit room. And to symbolize a good road record, own it… be King of the Road. Serve little green apples in the stadium. Sing that Roger Miller song. When the sixth inning comes around, have a hobo wearing a crown clean the plate by pushing a broom. Yes, you’re the Royals, but no need to be full of yourselves.