Let me start this off by asking the Bigfoot, or if you prefer “Squatch” people, not to send me hate mail. I am not saying I don’t believe in Bigfoot and I am not making fun of the many people who spend the best years of their lives hunting the hairy beast. Well, I sort of am making fun of them but that’s just because if I am going to spend lots of money doing something fun, my fun would include tropical drinks, a warm beach and a five-star resort–not peeing in the woods in freezing temperatures to track down a mythical beast—but again, that’s just me.
Okay, here we go: A new Bigfoot story is circulating around the internet. This time the self-proclaimed Bigfoot hunter Rick Dyer claims he not only has seen a Bigfoot but he killed one in 2012, and he has offered a picture as proof. He also has a grainy video on his YouTube channel showing the pre-deceased beast. Dyer claims that he has in his possession the Bigfoot body. He will tour with the corpse in the near future, and he has already shown the body to about 130 people who are now diehard dead Bigfoot believers.
Can it be finally true? And if it is, what will happen to the Bigfoot TV show? Those people have been looking for years for Bigfoot. They seem to know everything about the creature including where he likes to sleep, his distinctive wail, what he likes to eat, the kind of women he dates, etc. Yes, they have found everything associated with Bigfoot except Bigfoot which has proven to be both a blessing and a curse. Not finding Bigfoot has kept them employed by whatever cable channel airs their show, but as each week goes by with no concrete evidence, the Bigfoot researchers look more and more—what’s that word I am looking for? Crazy—yep, that’s the word.
Back to Dyer: He has claimed a Bigfoot kill before and it proved to be a hoax, but this time he says he is serious, and he has the scientific goods to prove it. What do I think? I’m going to believe Dyer. Why? First, he looks sane in a psychopath sort of way, and how many times can you drink from the fraud well and not fall in? He has to know that if he is going to charge people, which he is, to view a corpse he claims is the real deal, and it turns out to be fake, he is going to get jail time or at least a hefty fine and that has to put a crimp in his future Bigfoot expeditions and video shoots. Secondly, I would think, that sooner or later if one spends enough time in the woods, one has to hit the mother lode and find the beast. Bigfoot is not exactly a petite creature. And if there are more than one Bigfoot, one of them is bound to show up and get caught.
My biggest problem with this story besides the fact that we are talking about Bigfoot is that we are talking about a dead Bigfoot. Why did Dyer have to kill him? Okay, he ate some of Dyer’s pork ribs which Dyer nailed to a tree to smoke him out. Frankly, if my husband saw those pork ribs, he would have gone after them too. Would he also be target practice for Dyer? (Mental note: Don’t go camping with husband in the Bigfoot woods.) My guess if this does turn out to be true, the PETA people will be all over Dyer and not in a good way, and if there was a Mrs. Bigfoot, I smell a big fat civil suit heading toward the infamous hunter. I wouldn’t be too surprised if a few law firms bid for this case.