3-year-old: Am I a grown-up yet? Me: Are you excited to get out of bed in the morning? 3: Yeah! Me: Then you aren’t even close.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2014
I delete my browser history so my wife will think I was masturbating. She’d divorce me if she found out I spend 6 hours a day on Farmville.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2014
My 3-year-old didn’t like her food, so she hid the last bite in her cheek for over an hour. She’s gross. And possibly a hamster.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2014
Did you know Alex Trebek is Canadian? In the original version of Jeopardy, contestants had to phrase their answers in the form of an apology
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2014
I don’t often say, “I think that went well,” but when I do, I’m always sitting in the back of a police car.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2014
I like the first one best. Cheers!