Me: I know everything. Ask me any question. 3-year-old: How do airplanes work? Me: Magic. Next question.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014
I always knew I’d end up drunk in a gutter. I just didn’t expect everyone around me to keep bowling.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014
Justin Bieber was arrested today for drunk driving and resisting arrest. The good news is he’s finally on the Amy Winehouse career path.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014
Me: It’s more art than science. Teacher: This is chemistry. It’s only science. Me: Whatever. *mixes pretty chemicals* *blows up lab*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014
Alaska might legalize pot later this year. That’s great news for anyone whose idea of fun is to be really cold and get high with a caribou.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 23, 2014
Santa gets high with his caribou every year!