I spent two minutes waving my arms at a motion-activated light before I realized the switch was off. Expect great things from me today.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2014
No, I won’t tell you about my day. It was bad enough going through it the first time when I was paid for it. I refuse to relive it for free.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2014
Not to brag, but I can make pretty much any situation worse just by showing up.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2014
My 1-year-old is OK with the taste of everything from crayons to dog food. It’s hard not to be insulted when she won’t touch my cooking.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2014
Coworker: Are you any good at basketball? Me: I’m a huge sports guy. Him: *tosses me the basketball* Me: *kicks it* Was that a homerun?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2014